[A normal dad. Nothing like his classmates' fathers, nothing like the parentage Peter had daydreamed of as a child, nor the men in the stories his little sister insisted on hearing at bedtime. But Peter's not cruel enough to mention this, not just for Erik's sake but his own.
Maybe he shouldn't be so hasty to cut off every tie. It's not like a normal family was ever in the cards.]
[A decade ago, when he and Peter first met, it probably wouldn't have been his kind of thing. But then there had been Poland, and Magda and Nina, and he had found himself content in a life he hadn't even known he wanted.
Then he had ended up here, and there had been Lorna, who had unknowingly reminded him of Nina. It was the first time since his arrival that he had had even the smallest glimmer of any indication that maybe he could get back the family that he had once again lost.
His desire to never talk about any of this again is still strong. He could walk away now and never have to mention it. But doesn't Peter deserve to know that they existed? They were his family too.]
I had a family before I came here. They died.
[It's difficult to say, to talk about, but maybe it's not entirely not his kind of thing.]
[Peter doesn't bother to keep the shock off his face- was this something else Jean had kept from him? He could try to muster some angry at her but as quickly as the thought crosses his mind he's dismissing it. It'd do him no good now and focusing on anger would only rob from the moment in front of him.]
Family?
[His voice is faint, like he's having trouble processing.]
Kids?
[Another sibling? He's structured his life around the sisters that exist here, treated Billy like a brother, listened to every story about Pietro with reverence even when it hurt. Family, for Peter, has always meant his siblings, has always been a scared thing.
Died.
And that's why. Because that's the one thing he feared. Losing them.]
A wife and a daughter. [It seems strange to talk about this with someone, but Peter has more of a right to know than anyone other than Lorna. He doesn't know who else in the house knows about it already, and if they don't he has no intention of telling them. Some things are sacred, to be locked away, not tarnished by being brought out into the light and looked at.]
[A daughter. A little sister. Peter feels his heart stall a moment, the only thing his mind able to conjure up is the image of the little girl he'd left back home. Maybe Nina was older, or younger, or looked more like Erik. There's no way they'd be anything alike. And yet it's all he can think about.
That little sister, gone.
Another little sister, gone. One he'd never know. It hardly seemed fair.]
[It's not fair, that she had so few years when others who are so much less deserving get so many more years of life. Welcome to mutanthood, Peter.]
She had me as a father.
[Is the simple explanation. It's because he is who he is. This is what the universe expects of him.]
There was what would be called an earthquake in places that actually have earthquakes. A vat broke loose and would have crushed a man if I hadn't stopped it.
Someone told the police what they'd seen, the police came to the house, Nina got scared, and when mutants who can't control their powers are scared, things happen.
[He's not sure what to do with that, this admission to Erik's fault. Part of him is surprised at it, some part is furious. He doesn't know if he has the right to be for someone he never knew.]
They killed her.
[It feels ugly coming from his mouth, makes him frown with the distaste of it.]
Because of what she was. I thought things were suppose to change in the future, that's all anyone ever wants to tell me. That it was going to get better.
[It reminds him of being on the ship all those months ago, watching people turn their backs on Ade and watching the uproar when he did the same to Rinzler.
I don't know anything about the future. [Other than that they were supposed to be changing it, by stopping the Sentinels from being produced, but just because they got rid of that threat doesn't mean there won't be another one.]
It wasn't intentional. They didn't come there with that purpose in mind. [He knew that, even from the moment he found them all in the woods behind the house, with Nina in their midst. He can give them a little credit, at least.]
They used her to get me out of the house. Away from anything that could be used as a weapon. I told them I would go with them if they would let her go, which they did. She didn't understand what was happening. She lost control of her powers. It was an accident, what happened to her and her mother, but it happened because I was there.
[He doesn't know what else to do but repeat it, what even saying it could change. He stuffs his hands in his pockets to keep from digging his nails into his palms.
An accident. He knows a thing or two about accidents.]
I watched someone die because someone was coming after me. Got caught up in middle of a fight and they called it an accident. It's not the same, but-
[It's an olive branch. Empathy. An 'I know what it's like'.]
[He knows what it's like to watch someone die. In his case, because he couldn't do what was asked (told) of him. Because he'd just had his powers awaken and didn't even know at first that it was him doing this, that the gate was bending because he was trying to get back to his mother, much less what he was doing when it came to using them, or controlling them. Because he couldn't yet call them up will; it was only the second time he'd used them. He couldn't do what he was supposed to do, and his mother died because of it.
Ich will meine Mama sehen. Not like that. Not if it's going to end that way. Little comfort that she probably would have died anyway, and in some manner less instantaneous than a bullet.
If only he'd known how to move bullets then.
Then he'd watched it again, forty years later, only the family members and the weapon were different.]
[The smile that crosses his face is a brief, wan thing. He'd like to believe Erik is right, that she would have- silly tea parties and cartoon re-runs and Peter pretending to complain when she forced him to paint her nails. Like his other little sister had been.
But he thinks that he'll never really know, and the news is too recent and shocking for him to settle into the idea. Part of him wants to run away to Wanda, have her sort out how he feels for him. Or start a fuss with J so he'll have something else to think about. Run away from it, like he's always been so good at.
Peter keeps his feet planted firmly.]
Thank you. For telling me about her.
[He hopes Erik knows he's being sincere even if he can't muster any warmth to his voice.]
And if you ever wanted to talk about her more. Or your wife. Or just about, I don't know, whatever. I'd listen. I mean, we're in the same house so not hard to track me down.
[It's an offer, as much as one he can make, and an acceptance. Peter might be wary of Erik, might still not know what he means for Peter's life, but blood is blood. He might as well start trying.]
You have a right to know. [More than anyone else does, which is why he'd even said anything in the first place. It doesn't feel right to shut Peter out from this, even if he'll never get to meet either of them. Maybe that's exactly the reason why he should hear about them.]
Maybe one day. [He hadn't come into this planning on having that conversation, but the fact that he didn't shut down the idea automatically is a big point in Peter's favor. Just about anyone else would have gotten an immediate denial of the offer.]
[And what's there to say to that? Erik's right, so Peter feels. He would have insisted to know everything about Wanda within moments of learning of her existence; had done just that, actually. Family were the only ties he'd ever felt strongly.
So he nods. Bites his tongue against thanking Erik again.]
Okay. [One day is good enough for him. Baby steps, he tells himself. Baby steps.] And next time you and Lorna mess around with your powers, if she won't mind- well. I'm fast enough to make for pretty good target practice.
I can't promise I won't say anything to Wanda. Twin privilege, you know? That and her- [He puts his hands up near his temples, wiggling his fingers.] She'd know if she wanted to.
I wouldn't want to be the one to keep you from telling Wanda something. [He doesn't know what the twin thing is like. He doesn't even know what having a sibling is like. But he has noticed how much time the two of them spend together.]
Some of them might not approve of that method of practice.
[He wouldn't be able to if he tried and normally Peter would be the first to point that out. Still, the good faith in the answer made Peter smile. A little respect toward Wanda was always the quickest way to worm past Peter's defenses.] Cool. Sure she'll appreciate that.
I don't need their approval. [He shrugs. Before he'd more or less only told big stuff to family. And J.] There's plenty I don't tell them. They just got to live with it.
Edited (missing some words) 2017-08-25 02:37 (UTC)
[He looks momentarily surprised.] Sure! Cool, I mean. I'll ask.
[His expression wavers, like he can't decide what to think about that. Instead of getting defensive, he just grumbles at the ground.] I don't think that's the first time.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Erik
[Who knew it could be that easy? It sounds like something his mom would do. It's odd for him to think about, Erik as parental.]
Yeah. She'd mentioned being at the mansion before. Well, the one in her world. I guess that's something she's used to.
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[They're family, after all, and that means a lot to someone who once again didn't have any.]
There's plenty of classroom space. Someone may as well use it.
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It's just you don't seem like-
[A normal dad. Nothing like his classmates' fathers, nothing like the parentage Peter had daydreamed of as a child, nor the men in the stories his little sister insisted on hearing at bedtime. But Peter's not cruel enough to mention this, not just for Erik's sake but his own.
Maybe he shouldn't be so hasty to cut off every tie. It's not like a normal family was ever in the cards.]
Just doesn't seem like your kind of thing.
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Then he had ended up here, and there had been Lorna, who had unknowingly reminded him of Nina. It was the first time since his arrival that he had had even the smallest glimmer of any indication that maybe he could get back the family that he had once again lost.
His desire to never talk about any of this again is still strong. He could walk away now and never have to mention it. But doesn't Peter deserve to know that they existed? They were his family too.]
I had a family before I came here. They died.
[It's difficult to say, to talk about, but maybe it's not entirely not his kind of thing.]
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Family?
[His voice is faint, like he's having trouble processing.]
Kids?
[Another sibling? He's structured his life around the sisters that exist here, treated Billy like a brother, listened to every story about Pietro with reverence even when it hurt. Family, for Peter, has always meant his siblings, has always been a scared thing.
Died.
And that's why. Because that's the one thing he feared. Losing them.]
Who?
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Nina. She had a...way with animals.
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That little sister, gone.
Another little sister, gone. One he'd never know. It hardly seemed fair.]
What happened?
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She had me as a father.
[Is the simple explanation. It's because he is who he is. This is what the universe expects of him.]
There was what would be called an earthquake in places that actually have earthquakes. A vat broke loose and would have crushed a man if I hadn't stopped it.
Someone told the police what they'd seen, the police came to the house, Nina got scared, and when mutants who can't control their powers are scared, things happen.
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They killed her.
[It feels ugly coming from his mouth, makes him frown with the distaste of it.]
Because of what she was. I thought things were suppose to change in the future, that's all anyone ever wants to tell me. That it was going to get better.
[It reminds him of being on the ship all those months ago, watching people turn their backs on Ade and watching the uproar when he did the same to Rinzler.
Some things never change.]
I'm sorry.
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It wasn't intentional. They didn't come there with that purpose in mind. [He knew that, even from the moment he found them all in the woods behind the house, with Nina in their midst. He can give them a little credit, at least.]
They used her to get me out of the house. Away from anything that could be used as a weapon. I told them I would go with them if they would let her go, which they did. She didn't understand what was happening. She lost control of her powers. It was an accident, what happened to her and her mother, but it happened because I was there.
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[He doesn't know what else to do but repeat it, what even saying it could change. He stuffs his hands in his pockets to keep from digging his nails into his palms.
An accident. He knows a thing or two about accidents.]
I watched someone die because someone was coming after me. Got caught up in middle of a fight and they called it an accident. It's not the same, but-
[It's an olive branch. Empathy. An 'I know what it's like'.]
I wish I'd met her. Nina.
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Ich will meine Mama sehen. Not like that. Not if it's going to end that way. Little comfort that she probably would have died anyway, and in some manner less instantaneous than a bullet.
If only he'd known how to move bullets then.
Then he'd watched it again, forty years later, only the family members and the weapon were different.]
She would have liked that.
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But he thinks that he'll never really know, and the news is too recent and shocking for him to settle into the idea. Part of him wants to run away to Wanda, have her sort out how he feels for him. Or start a fuss with J so he'll have something else to think about. Run away from it, like he's always been so good at.
Peter keeps his feet planted firmly.]
Thank you. For telling me about her.
[He hopes Erik knows he's being sincere even if he can't muster any warmth to his voice.]
And if you ever wanted to talk about her more. Or your wife. Or just about, I don't know, whatever. I'd listen. I mean, we're in the same house so not hard to track me down.
[It's an offer, as much as one he can make, and an acceptance. Peter might be wary of Erik, might still not know what he means for Peter's life, but blood is blood. He might as well start trying.]
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Maybe one day. [He hadn't come into this planning on having that conversation, but the fact that he didn't shut down the idea automatically is a big point in Peter's favor. Just about anyone else would have gotten an immediate denial of the offer.]
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So he nods. Bites his tongue against thanking Erik again.]
Okay. [One day is good enough for him. Baby steps, he tells himself. Baby steps.] And next time you and Lorna mess around with your powers, if she won't mind- well. I'm fast enough to make for pretty good target practice.
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If you're sure you want to take that risk.
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[He shrugs. It's no stupider than half the things he's done in his life.]
You've seen me outrun bullets, dude. I think I can handle you two.
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You just probably shouldn't mention it to anyone else.
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But I can keep my mouth shut to everyone else.
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Some of them might not approve of that method of practice.
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I don't need their approval. [He shrugs. Before he'd more or less only told big stuff to family. And J.] There's plenty I don't tell them. They just got to live with it.
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You sound a bit like me. [Don't take that the wrong way.]
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[His expression wavers, like he can't decide what to think about that. Instead of getting defensive, he just grumbles at the ground.] I don't think that's the first time.
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[He knows what the opinions of him are.]
Unless you want to, of course.
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I'm not sure what I want to sound like. The only person I've ever been accused of being like is Wanda's Pietro.