[He doesn't keep the flash of surprise off his face, nor the pleased look that follows. He knows her better now, knows there's something between them even if they don't put a name to it. It doesn't stop that little jolt of happy every time she gets a choice and still chooses him.
He doesn't think that will ever stop. It's a part of wanting more with someone, he thinks.]
Won't deny being a fan. [He starts, following her and threading his fingers between her's.] Or argue about being the favorite anything. Keep talking like that and I'm going to think you're sweet on me Miss J.
I got a reputation to keep up, dear. [She laughs, closing the door once they're both in and thrn throwing the broken pair of heels somewhere in the forgotten corner her room.
Her hand tightens around his and shoulder playfully bumping onto his.]
Expectations to meet and such. Can't bring you a disappointment. And besides, I'm not any more sweet on you than what you're on me.
The luckiest. [She confirms and lifts a finger to tap gently in his lower lip. It's a wonder whether that joke revealed more about him or her.]
But don't go jinxing it just yet.
[She pulls them towards the center of her roo. There she let's go of his hand and moves next to a small table, where lies one of her most priced possession that she had saved from Moira: a small portable vinyl player.]
I hope your idea of quiet night together can bear some music.
[His smile widens when she touches him, watches her pull away to fiddle with the player. He could laugh when she asks. When has he ever turned down music? Besides, it sounds like a wonderful night. His favorite girl, his favorite thing.]
Do you even have to ask? Turn it on.
[He moves to sit on the edge of her bed. He bites his lip a half second, lost in thought. He puts his next question carefully.]
[Of course she knew the answer to the question before he even said it. If there's one thing they share, despite all the differences between them, it's a love for music. And following his words J turns the music on, playing one of her favorite songs.]
Hm? Oh, well. [She wasn't thinking that he'd actually latch on that tease. In the end she hadn't meant much with it, other than to keep him on his toes.]
Well, you know what they say. Better watch what you wish for.
[The tease brings out a laughter out of her. There's even surprising relief washing over her as he decides to go with more easy and familiar route here. For a moment it had sounded far too serious for her liking.]
In that case you'll need to work for that wish. [J winks her eye at him, crooking her finger a little to invite him closer.]
Sounds like you doubt my ability to make that very, very fun for you.
[It's said against her lips, grin stretching into place when she smacks him. He legs go of her to sit back on the bed, hands back at her hips in a second and fingertips drifting to push at her hemline, reveal bits of skin for him to stare at.]
Someday you're going to have to let me prove myself.
[Her own fingers find a way to his neck, toying with his hair strands. But he's right to assume that she probably wouldn't like it. In fact, she's not sure if she even really enjoys other games and kinks that much. She's never taken part to them for herself. It's all been just business to her before.
When the hem of her dress is lifted up, J slides closer and moves to straddle him. With Peter it's different, she thinks. She believes anything could be fun with him -- even the things she didn't like because in the end it comes down to one thing.] I like whatever you like.
[It's cheeky and as true as one could call the sea damp. It's all easy to push aside, forgot about, the closer she gets and the more skin his wandering hands reveal. It comes back to him later, when the sweat's cooled and the small talk has idled out to the heavy breaths he knows signals sleep. In the safe bubble of darkness and satisfaction, thinking she's closer to dreaming than awake, Peter finds an ounce of courage.]
It's not like, I think. [He's whispering, half expecting she won't hear or won't remember. But she might, and he's not nearly so afraid of that as he once was.] I haven't liked you for a while.
[Hours have passed and the music has quieted down a good while ago. With her eyes half lidded she listens his heavy yet silent breath, lazily stroking her finger across his shoulder in the rhythm. She's close to letting sleep claim her and while it'd be tempting to fall asleep here like this, she wants to stay awake with him just a little longer. It's such a sappy thought that it ought to make her feel disgusted, but instead, right now, she laughs quietly to herself.
His words reach her ears but don't register right away and she'll first answer him with a slow murmur and presses a light kiss on his skin. Then after a moment she whispers back to him:]
[The drag of her fingers is slow, slow, slow against his skin and he focuses on that rather than turn to see her face. An ounce of courage isn't true bravery, maybe, because he doesn't think he can do this while seeing the shine of her eyes in the darkness. But he pulls her closer anyway, the dichotomy of fearing her reaction but needing her near by, skin to skin.]
Not like. [He murmurs, wetting his lips and taking a second. Or two. Or three, letting time stretch while he pushes past his rising heartbeat.] It's more love, maybe.
[He holds his breath in the second after, expecting a weighted fear to crush down on his chest. It doesn't come, even if he can still feel pounding in her ears. Mostly he feels like laughing, anxious but freed by truth.]
[It's good that he decided to do this now and not earlier when they were in the halfway or in middle of room swaying along the music. Now that they're both tired and boneless she doesn't have it in her to fight back or resist when he pulls her closer. Instead she finds a place next to him, eyes focusing on the skin she rests her forehead under his jaw. It's good that they lie like this because she doesn't know if she wants to see his eyes either.
But the confession doesn't to her as big surprise as he probably thinks. She's had a hunch about the true nature of his feelings ever since their talk back in the cold cave. He had given her lot to think about and she's not sure if that's a good thing or not. And just like back then, a heavy and warm bile appears to her throat.]
Why? [That's all she can think of saying to this. J's sure he knows what she thinks of this kind of affection.]
[He expects a thousand things to come out of her mouth and a thousand more to be spoken by action. She'll kick him out. Laugh at him. Deny him. Reject him. Manipulation, tease, close herself off.
This he does not expect, though perhaps he should have. Subverting his expectations was always what she did best.]
After everything you have to ask why?
[He's not sure what the feeling is rising in his gut. Offense? How could he not, after everything they'd been through. In those rare times he didn't lie to himself, he could almost imagine this as an inevitability. So much time, energy and emotion he'd put into her, something was bound to give. It came in the first wave of wanting her, then in needing to protect her. And then it shifted and twisted until something warm began to outweigh the guilt.
He squeezes his eyes shut, sees stars among the darkness. He's glad she hasn't forced this to be face to face but part of him doesn't understand what her staying with him means.]
You make me want to make you happy. You're the most important person I know after my sisters. You confuse me and push me away and I keep coming back. Why not, J?
Heh. [There's a quiet and shy laughter against his bare skin. Of course Peter says it's like it's the most obvious thing in the world. Of course he doesn't see the problems in this and in her even after all warnings. He's always been so hopeful and naive.
The light contrasting her darkness, if one wanted to be poetic about it. Not that Peter didn't come with his own demons also.
But it'st that certainty which makes J's chest feel heavier and ears burn from nervousness.]
I told you why not. Remember? Back in the cave. You shouldn't trust me.
[He remembers that. A pit threatens to form back into his stomach at the thought. Sitting beside her in that cave had been heartbreaking in a way he didn't have words to describe, not at the time. She'd been trying to push him away, same as he can feel her trying to do now. then it had been physically, a complete cut off. Now it's their emotional connection, trying to cut off his feelings. His answer now is the same as it was then.]
So? I do anyway. Nothing you've ever said, nothing you've ever did has kept me from trusting you.
[He'd kept coming back, time and time again. He'd taken everything she had to throw at him and still kept finding himself in her room at night. Still watching her, still wanting her. Not even her attempt to break things off had been enough to stop them from falling back into orbit.
If she didn't want his trust, if some part of her didn't know how things would turn out, why would she let him back in? He had to believe that despite what she said, she knew him too well to believe it.]
And none of it was enough to stop this either. You can't stop me from wanting to be, you know, in love with you. That's my choice.
[He's right and that's what scares her. There have been times when they've fall apart and stranded away from each other, either because of their own foolishness or because of misfortunes that the universe kept throwing their way. But always they ended up finding each other again. Even when she had tried to sever their ties back in the cave in order to protect herself from this fear but still she hadn't hesitate to look out for him again. Guess she was already deeply addicted to him.
But there was still so much he didn't know. About her and what all she's done, which some she's sure will hurt him. Would he be able to withstand that hurt?]
For a very long time I've been in love... [She starts, her voice small and silent like a child who's afraid of dark. She keeps a silent break and closes her eyes. She can't be sure when was last time she had visited this memory this thoroughly. Usually just a thought of it alone was enough to bring up the wounds.] With someone else. He liked me, too. I think. But then he found out what happened with my daddy and. Well. It was enough to put him off. It's not very sexy thought is it? But in the end I'm sure that's not the only thing that went wrong. I just don't know if the problem was me being a man. Or that I was a girl.
[She pauses again. Her mind is weighted by the memory of cold, distant eyes and uneasy voice: "It's not your fault you're like this." Even still to this day, she's not sure what Paul had meant by it.]
[There's a moment when she starts that his heart stops. It's not out of fear or dread, but a stupid seed of hope. He knows better than to think she'd starting a story about him, that's not the tone of voice of someone taking about the present. Peter knows better about a lot of things. Setting himself up for disappointment is practically a second mutation.
At least he's quick enough to smooth out the frown before it's half formed.
He thinks about interrupting her, swearing that whatever guy she loved before was stupid to hurt her. That man couldn't understand what he's missing. He was worthless if he couldn't see she was worth staying for. But J's not looking for Peter's posturing. It's a serious, solemn thing she's after.]
You. I like you. It's not about any of that for me.
[If she'd been a guy, maybe he would have been more hesitant at first. But that would have been about him, his own insecurities of growing up in the 60s, already being someone that stuck out in middle class suburbia. Billy had disbursed those notions real quick. He'd still like to think, whether true or not, they'd still have ended up together after all that happened.]
You're not what happened to you, J. Or how you were born. I'm not, so why would you be? [He was the son of a terrorist, a mutant freak, an attempted murderer now. The past, genetics, it couldn't be all they were.] J, I'm not that other guy. I'm not leaving.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
J
He doesn't think that will ever stop. It's a part of wanting more with someone, he thinks.]
Won't deny being a fan. [He starts, following her and threading his fingers between her's.] Or argue about being the favorite anything. Keep talking like that and I'm going to think you're sweet on me Miss J.
Re: J
Her hand tightens around his and shoulder playfully bumping onto his.]
Expectations to meet and such. Can't bring you a disappointment. And besides, I'm not any more sweet on you than what you're on me.
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[Sometimes he wonders how well she knows that.
He brings up their enjoined hands, brushes his lips against her knuckles. He grins afterwards, balancing off the soft gesture with a impish grin.]
So very sweet on me then. Aren't I just the luckiest guy?
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But don't go jinxing it just yet.
[She pulls them towards the center of her roo. There she let's go of his hand and moves next to a small table, where lies one of her most priced possession that she had saved from Moira: a small portable vinyl player.]
I hope your idea of quiet night together can bear some music.
no subject
[His smile widens when she touches him, watches her pull away to fiddle with the player. He could laugh when she asks. When has he ever turned down music? Besides, it sounds like a wonderful night. His favorite girl, his favorite thing.]
Do you even have to ask? Turn it on.
[He moves to sit on the edge of her bed. He bites his lip a half second, lost in thought. He puts his next question carefully.]
What would you consider jinxing it?
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Hm? Oh, well. [She wasn't thinking that he'd actually latch on that tease. In the end she hadn't meant much with it, other than to keep him on his toes.]
Well, you know what they say. Better watch what you wish for.
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And if what I was wishing for was you? Would that be something to watch out for? Or maybe wishing you out of those clothes.
[That part comes out teasing, bright and cheeky.]
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In that case you'll need to work for that wish. [J winks her eye at him, crooking her finger a little to invite him closer.]
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Well I am usually pretty lazy but this- [He catches her by the waist, leans in to kiss her cheek.] I think I'm willing to put the work in.
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You should know that those who don't work won't eat, right.
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Good thing I don't mind doing all the work.
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Maybe you don't need to do all work. [And with that she gives his butt a smack] That wouldn't be fun.
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[It's said against her lips, grin stretching into place when she smacks him. He legs go of her to sit back on the bed, hands back at her hips in a second and fingertips drifting to push at her hemline, reveal bits of skin for him to stare at.]
Someday you're going to have to let me prove myself.
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In that case you'll need to tie me up first. [She's joking. Mostly at least.]
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[He grins, eyes slipping shut the closer she gets. There's laughter humming in his chest, hands slipping up her sides and rucking cloth up with them.]
Didn't take you for the type to like rope burns, J.
fade forward next?
[Her own fingers find a way to his neck, toying with his hair strands. But he's right to assume that she probably wouldn't like it. In fact, she's not sure if she even really enjoys other games and kinks that much. She's never taken part to them for herself. It's all been just business to her before.
When the hem of her dress is lifted up, J slides closer and moves to straddle him. With Peter it's different, she thinks. She believes anything could be fun with him -- even the things she didn't like because in the end it comes down to one thing.] I like whatever you like.
o7
[It's cheeky and as true as one could call the sea damp. It's all easy to push aside, forgot about, the closer she gets and the more skin his wandering hands reveal. It comes back to him later, when the sweat's cooled and the small talk has idled out to the heavy breaths he knows signals sleep. In the safe bubble of darkness and satisfaction, thinking she's closer to dreaming than awake, Peter finds an ounce of courage.]
It's not like, I think. [He's whispering, half expecting she won't hear or won't remember. But she might, and he's not nearly so afraid of that as he once was.] I haven't liked you for a while.
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His words reach her ears but don't register right away and she'll first answer him with a slow murmur and presses a light kiss on his skin. Then after a moment she whispers back to him:]
What is it, then?
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Not like. [He murmurs, wetting his lips and taking a second. Or two. Or three, letting time stretch while he pushes past his rising heartbeat.] It's more love, maybe.
[He holds his breath in the second after, expecting a weighted fear to crush down on his chest. It doesn't come, even if he can still feel pounding in her ears. Mostly he feels like laughing, anxious but freed by truth.]
no subject
But the confession doesn't to her as big surprise as he probably thinks. She's had a hunch about the true nature of his feelings ever since their talk back in the cold cave. He had given her lot to think about and she's not sure if that's a good thing or not. And just like back then, a heavy and warm bile appears to her throat.]
Why? [That's all she can think of saying to this. J's sure he knows what she thinks of this kind of affection.]
no subject
This he does not expect, though perhaps he should have. Subverting his expectations was always what she did best.]
After everything you have to ask why?
[He's not sure what the feeling is rising in his gut. Offense? How could he not, after everything they'd been through. In those rare times he didn't lie to himself, he could almost imagine this as an inevitability. So much time, energy and emotion he'd put into her, something was bound to give. It came in the first wave of wanting her, then in needing to protect her. And then it shifted and twisted until something warm began to outweigh the guilt.
He squeezes his eyes shut, sees stars among the darkness. He's glad she hasn't forced this to be face to face but part of him doesn't understand what her staying with him means.]
You make me want to make you happy. You're the most important person I know after my sisters. You confuse me and push me away and I keep coming back. Why not, J?
no subject
The light contrasting her darkness, if one wanted to be poetic about it. Not that Peter didn't come with his own demons also.
But it'st that certainty which makes J's chest feel heavier and ears burn from nervousness.]
I told you why not. Remember? Back in the cave. You shouldn't trust me.
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So? I do anyway. Nothing you've ever said, nothing you've ever did has kept me from trusting you.
[He'd kept coming back, time and time again. He'd taken everything she had to throw at him and still kept finding himself in her room at night. Still watching her, still wanting her. Not even her attempt to break things off had been enough to stop them from falling back into orbit.
If she didn't want his trust, if some part of her didn't know how things would turn out, why would she let him back in? He had to believe that despite what she said, she knew him too well to believe it.]
And none of it was enough to stop this either. You can't stop me from wanting to be, you know, in love with you. That's my choice.
no subject
But there was still so much he didn't know. About her and what all she's done, which some she's sure will hurt him. Would he be able to withstand that hurt?]
For a very long time I've been in love... [She starts, her voice small and silent like a child who's afraid of dark. She keeps a silent break and closes her eyes. She can't be sure when was last time she had visited this memory this thoroughly. Usually just a thought of it alone was enough to bring up the wounds.] With someone else. He liked me, too. I think. But then he found out what happened with my daddy and. Well. It was enough to put him off. It's not very sexy thought is it? But in the end I'm sure that's not the only thing that went wrong. I just don't know if the problem was me being a man. Or that I was a girl.
[She pauses again. Her mind is weighted by the memory of cold, distant eyes and uneasy voice: "It's not your fault you're like this." Even still to this day, she's not sure what Paul had meant by it.]
Which one it's that you like?
no subject
At least he's quick enough to smooth out the frown before it's half formed.
He thinks about interrupting her, swearing that whatever guy she loved before was stupid to hurt her. That man couldn't understand what he's missing. He was worthless if he couldn't see she was worth staying for. But J's not looking for Peter's posturing. It's a serious, solemn thing she's after.]
You. I like you. It's not about any of that for me.
[If she'd been a guy, maybe he would have been more hesitant at first. But that would have been about him, his own insecurities of growing up in the 60s, already being someone that stuck out in middle class suburbia. Billy had disbursed those notions real quick. He'd still like to think, whether true or not, they'd still have ended up together after all that happened.]
You're not what happened to you, J. Or how you were born. I'm not, so why would you be? [He was the son of a terrorist, a mutant freak, an attempted murderer now. The past, genetics, it couldn't be all they were.] J, I'm not that other guy. I'm not leaving.
I'm terribly sorry for late reply!
As am I!
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